We are almost there. Tree up...check. Gifts bought....almost check. Cookies made....check. Bedroom painted....check. Yeah, we are that ridiculous. What normal human being, in their right mind, does a home improvement project during the week of Christmas? And not even on a room anyone ever really sees! Rob and I need our heads checked. Seriously.

I'm almost hesitant to blog about how well things have been going here. Evan is done with school until January. He had his Christmas program on Friday. I went, he saw me and he stayed on the altar! A lot better than last year. Except that he had a wardrobe malfunction that left him looking at his unbuttoned pants and grabbing himself for a good 90 seconds before one of the teachers rushed in to help him out. HILARIOUS! Ahhh, memories. Someday, when he is 16, I will show the girl that he likes the video and mortify him. Is that mean?

Eric has been doing awesome. I can't even begin to write about how great he is doing. In the last month, we went to see our "special doctor" and they started him on sublingual B-12--something I have been asking for from day one. We thought it would make him crazy, but it hasn't. He's been doing really well on it. So well, we were able to up his dose. B12 can help some kids on the spectrum with speaking delays. Only time will tell.

This is a portion of an email I sent to the woman that conducted Eric's sensory therapy (light/sound) back in August.

Last March Eric was unbearable. I love my boys to the deepest part of my core, but it was definitely one of the roughest patches that we have weathered. He was out there. Noncompliant. Difficult. Crazy. Sensory-overloaded. He was hitting. Crying. An emotional mess. Usually we can pinpoint a rhyme or reason, but we couldn't. There are always catalysts, but this was different. It was really just awful.

Since we did the therapy in August, he has changed. Initially, things got worse, but nowhere near last March. I'm a reasonable person and know that with Eric things aren't easy. There's no magic bullet. No simple pill that will make everything semi-normal. I had four goals for the therapy--he stop hitting, he stop holding his ears so much in loud, uncomfortable places, he stop sucking his finger and he just feel better about who he is. My goal was Christmas. I said by December we should start to see the fruits of our labor...and we have! He hasn't hit anyone in I don't know how long. He holds his ears on occasion, but can easily be redirected. We were in the grocery store and out to dinner this weekend and it dawned on me, that he wasn't holding his ears! He did quit sucking his finger for about a month, but it's back. But, that is a typical behavior. Something A LOT of parents have to deal with. I'm good with that. Normal, everyday parenting issues are a blessing to me.

He is calmer. He uses his trampoline more. He makes better eye contact. He is MUCH easier redirected when wanting something. He seems to understand more. Better receptive language.

I wouldn't change the core of who Eric is. He is the most lovable, wonderful, sweet, gentle giant anyone could ever hope to meet. He can't tell me, but he can show me that he is more comfortable. He doesn't seem like he wants to crawl out of his skin most every day. He seems content with where he is at any given moment.

If he got nothing else from the therapy, nothing that I could see or quantify, I wanted him to be more comfortable. More able to handle the everyday sensory stressors of life. And he is. He's doing it beautifully and with grace.

Eric has always been a delight, even in the darkest moments, but now he delights in his abilities like everyone around him.

That is truly the best Christmas gift I could have gotten. My son is understanding more. Interacting more. We still have a long road and steep climb ahead, but we are slowly getting there.

This year has been amazing. I would be remiss if I didn't say that I'm a little reluctant to head into 2010. I feel like the universe has paid us back ten-fold some of the obstacles that we have all faced and I'm afraid that it is our turn to pay again. Here's hoping I am wrong and that the next year holds even more wonderful, unimaginable miracles.

H1N1

Yeah, we had it...and what a miserable experience it was. We came out of it (well, we still feel a little gross) fairly unscathed, but it was interesting.

Evan got sick two Wednesdays ago. All of a sudden. He was fine and playing and the next minute his eyes were sunken and he had a fever. We put him to bed and he woke up at 2:30 with a fever of 104.9. Neither of the boys have ever had a fever that high and I panicked. I panic particularly with Evan in situations like this. Aside from him being my "baby," I cannot stomach the idea of him ever being in a hospital again. The mere thought of a simple IV sends me into a tizzy. I took him to the ER where they gave him Tylenol and told us he most likely had H1N1. Keep an eye on him, keep him comfortable and, after about a week, he should be just fine.

I spent that night on Evan's floor because I was terrified that he would have a febrile seizure. I set my phone to wake me up at 3:30 to take his temp and give him Motrin. Eric had had a slight fever going to bed that evening, so I thought I would check the "easy" one first before waking Evan up. When I checked Eric, he had a fever of 105.6. Rob and I got him out of bed, got him into the bath, gave him medicine and waited for his fever to come down. I didn't rush him to the ER because, well, they did nothing for Evan that I couldn't have done. Eric's temp finally came down to a cool 103 by about 5:30 so we all went back to bed. Evan had a slight temp, took medicine and went right back to bed.

The weekend was miserable. Evan went trick or treating (barely) and Eric stayed in. By Sunday, I felt terrible, too. We cancelled everything for Monday and I hoped by Tuesday we would all be on the mend.

We woke up Tuesday morning. I was supposed to have an IEP meeting with Eric's teacher and principle, but he woke up and couldn't walk. So again, to the ER. His regular doctor told us to go to Children's Hospital. We got down there and they did nothing. Never did a pulse ox. Never checked his ears. No one (two doctors and two nurses) couldn't understand why he couldn't walk (he hadn't had any adverse reactions to antibiotics, wasn't dehydrated). Finally, an attending physician came in very nonchalantly, and said this was "common" for 6-10 year old boys to have with the flu. Keep an eye on him, keep him comfortable with lots of fluids, etc. I know I should be thankful for an easy answer, but I was annoyed. My son couldn't walk and they were OK with it.

We got up Wednesday. Evan was finally doing better. Eric seemed better, but by 11 a.m. had a fever again (which he hadn't had since Monday) and was very lethargic. I let him nap, but when he woke up he didn't want to get up. Didn't want to drink. Didn't want to do anything. So, we went to the doctor. They ultimately sent us for a chest x-ray to make sure he didn't have pneumonia. Which, he didn't.

By Thursday, he seemed a bit better, but still sluggish. We were all still napping daily and trying to get better.

On Friday, they both went to school. Eric probably would have done better staying home, but there is no school this coming Thursday and Friday and he had already missed a week because of our vacation.

This weekend was sort of low key--with naps! Though we still have coughs, everyone is (finally) doing better.

Thank God nothing more came of it then a bit of paranoia (and irritation) on my part. I'm glad we have it over and done with, though not getting it at all would have been nice. We better be the healthiest damn family the rest of the winter or I might just lose my mind!

Bermuda, Bahama, Come on Pretty Mama

OK, I'll stop with the cheesy tune-naming for the blog posts!

In a word, vacation was phenomenal. It was five days of wonderful with my family.

My Dad and Lauren treated Rob, the boys and me to a five-day cruise to Bermuda with a travel group called Autism on the Seas. Though the weather wasn't entirely cooperative, the trip was great.

Through this group we were first to get on and off the ship. We had a special dining room where just the 22 people in the group were allowed to dine. So it didn't matter if the kids were wild or whiny. No one cared and no one looked or stared. We had a private excursion. We had special activities for the kids, including a private bridge tour and rock-climbing wall session (my family napped through this, but apparently it was awesome). The kids were able to go to the on-board childcare and the autism leaders checked in periodically. Apparently, if we were a larger group, the kids would have had private childcare as well. It really didn't matter though. The boys liked it and got to go at least once a day, which gave Rob and us a chance to walk around, grab a drink or just relax.

Saturday we left Baltimore in the rain. We didn't do much other than unpack, settle in and meet the group.

Sunday we were at sea all day. The ship was a little rocky. Eric had a bit of a tougher time adjusting to it, which is ironic because he loves to be spun and flipped. I won a slot tournament in the casino--not bad and paid for the tips for the week! The boys managed to get in the pool for a bit, which was nice. This was the formal night on the ship and though our entire traveling group was exempt from the traditional dining room dress code, our entire group got dressed up--kiddos and all!

Monday we got to Bermuda. Literally the minute we stepped off the ship it started pouring down rain. We trekked through the mini-monsoon and got to the ferry that took us to St. George and Tobacco Bay (just so happened to be one of my parents favorite beaches on Bermuda). We were already soaked--literally down to our underwear--once we got on the ferry. Once over to St. George, it cleared for about 15 seconds before it started pouring again. So we ducked into a shop. The tour leader realized it wasn't going to end anytime soon, so he told us to grab lunch. After lunch--and after telling Eric for 3+ hours that we were going to the beach--we finally started to head to the coastline. The weather was looking a bit better, however, after five steps it started pouring again. Might I add, that we had five beach towels with us that started out at three pounds and were now approximately forty! Combine that with Rob carrying Eric and me carrying Evan--though they both did their fair share of puddle jumping. We walked through the rain for about 15 minutes before we finally got to the beach....only to find out that the snack shack and bathrooms were closed--nowhere to change! We held up towels, got the kids and us all ready and hit the ocean...in the driving rain! I know it all sounds terrible, but it was truly an awesome day. The kids rolled with the punches. No one complained of being wet. Evan walked in the rain (something he refuses to do). We all laughed so terribly hard it was insane. If it had been sunny and ideal, it could have been a terrible day for one reason (or tantrum) or another. Even though the weather was less than favorable (OK, it downright stunk!), the kids were so good and patient, and the adults really got to know one another. It was a day we will never forget and will look back on with fondness.

Tuesday the weather was much nicer and we took a trip over to Hamilton, Bermuda, to go to Horseshoe Bay. The boys had a great time playing in the water and on the beach. Though it was beautiful, it wasn't as eventful (or delightful) as Monday.

Wednesday we were at sea again all day. The boys were able to play in the pool for a bit and we got a private tour of the ship's bridge.

Thursday we arrived back in Baltimore. We had our last meal with our group and then left the ship. It was a bittersweet goodbye. In such a short time, we all became fast friends--I guess misery loves company! I have never in my life had such a great vacation. The kids were wonderful. The tour group was great. We were disconnected from the entire world for five days--no cell phones, no email and little to no TV. We all got to spend some quality time with my Dad and Lauren. It truly couldn't have been better.

So much more to say, but I will bore you all with the finer details some other time.

The photos aren't in order of the trip...sorry there are so many, but we had a blast....and this is just a few. Apparently, our group leaders are sending us photo CDs with over 2,000 photos from the trip! I'm sure I will have more to share!

Horseshoe Bay, Bermuda.

Hamilton, Bermuda.

The sun rise coming back into Baltimore.

The party the last night on the ship.

Ahhhh....

Us with the captain. We had a private tour of the ship's bridge.

The ship's pool.

The boys on stage for Pirate Night.

Eric and I in the ocean.

Horseshoe Bay, Bermuda.

Beach bum!

Horseshoe Bay, Bermuda.

Mom Mom, Pop Pop and us on the ferry.

Our foursome on the ferry.

Our ship.

Kings Wharf, Bermuda.

Evan and his buddy, Mason. They were good as long as each had a Leapster!

My cute date for formal night.

The boys in our room. Their beds folded down like bunk beds. They loved it.

Leaving in a Blue Pacifica...

Yeah, it just doesn't have the same ring as the Peter, Paul and Mary tune.

We leave on Friday for our cruise and I couldn't be more ready. Rob and I have been crazy with work. The boys have settled into school and are therefore not as tired at the day's end and are climbing the walls (cabinets, couch, you name it). We are all in need of a break from reality!

I'm really looking forward to spending some QT with my family. I know we are together every day (thank God), but we are so busy and so run down and so inundated with crap (good and bad), that a chance for us to get away and not watch clocks or be there or run here seems wonderful. Though I'm praying for nice weather, it truly doesn't much matter. It is about the boys and seeing them have fun and if it is anything close to as wonderful as our week at the beach back in June, we will be golden.

The boys are doing well. Eric has been super emotional lately. Not sure if it is residual from his sensory integration therapy or his current therapeutic listening or something more. It's hard when he can't tell us. He just gets sad, cries and then is fine. It isn't interferring too much with life, so I'm trying not to focus on it.

His teacher sent a note home last week and wants to meet about his IEP. She wants to change some things. It still hasn't been made clear to me whether it is due to him meeting his goals or that we set his goals to high to begin with. At any rate, he likes going to school. He gets regular good reports and genuinely seems happy. I know that is all that matters.

Evan, as always, is Evan. He has gotten to spend some one-on-one time with Rob recently (which I know they both LOVE). He's so into golf it's insane. Rob and he go to putt putt every other week while Eric and I go to McDonald's and have milkshakes and then go swimming. Eric is ALWAYS wanting Daddy so Evan is inevitably stuck with me, so to change things up is nice for all of us. I get some quality time with Eric and Evan gets some much needed (and deserved) "Daddy time."

Eric is learning his sight words from school pretty quickly...and Evan is right there with him. Though I worry Evan will be bored in Kindergarten next year, I know it is a good thing that he is so very interested in learning new things. I hope that continues for the next 15-20 years!

Not much else to report. Looking forward to vacation and trying not to focus too much on the insanity that we will inevitably come home to!

Doing Well

Both boys are now in school--Eric every afternoon from 1-3:45 and Evan M-W-F from 12:30-3. They are both doing awesome. The running might just kill me by the end of the year--or I might have to pick up an afternoon Starbuck's habit.

Evan's class only has 12 kids in it--seven of which were in his class last year. He is doing really well. Following directions, sitting, playing. On the first day, I had to go in with him to meet the teachers, etc. He had to make a nametag. Last year when he had to make the nametag, it was ugly and embarrassing. This year, he sat, kept adding more and more decorations, writing his name, etc. I know it seems small, but getting him to sit for any type of art project last year was one of his biggest struggles. It doesn't appear that will be the case this year.

He also just had his re-evaluation for speech this past week. It is an annual evaluation to see what he has achieved, how his goals need to be augmented, etc. Last year, he was speaking at a 2y, 7m old and understanding at a 2y, 2m old. This time when he was evaluated, he is speaking and understanding at a 3y, 7m old. Still behind, I know, but he has jumped between 1 and 1 1/2 years in his language in 12 months. It's just more evidence to me that he will eventually catch up!

I texted some of you about how Eric is rockin' Kindergarten. I get notes home every day from the teacher/aid and I haven't gotten anything less than a good since he started. I went into his classroom the other day to speak to his classmates about communication (sort of a roundabout way to explain why Eric (not using his name) may not talk back when they talk to him, that not all kids use their voices to speak, etc.) When I went into the building to sign in and have the secretary call the teacher to tell her I was there, she asked if I was Eric's mom. When I said yes she began to gush about how he is the most beautiful child she has ever seen. Now I know this is not necessarily the case (though he is one of the two cutest kids I've ever seen), but there is a certain light that is emitted from Eric when he is in a supportive, nurturing environment and I'm sure this is exactly what she meant. When he is in such a place, his eyes light up, his face beams and there is truly nothing better than just being around him!

Then, I ran into his speech therapist in the hallway and she was telling me how great he was doing. She asked where the difficult child was that she was warned about during his school evaluations. I explained to her that he hated his TSS in preschool last year and he must really be enjoying himself this year to be behaving so well and listening so attentively. If you hated the people you worked with everyday, you wouldn't work so hard and you would be cranky and miserable. If you like the people you work with everyday, you are more willing to work a bit harder, put in longer hours, etc. Eric's no different.

I could bore you with specific instances about how well he is listening in class, doing things on his own and for himself. More independence then I have ever seen from him. But I won't. There are too many to mention at this point and I am just so proud of him.

We moved into this district simply after hearsay that it was better than the district we had been in. We traded a cozy house with a reasonable mortgage and taxes, for, well, the opposite of that (well, the house is still comfy). We've been here two years and repeatedly question our decision to move. After the horror stories I have heard from another parent in our old district (they had to fight to keep their child out of life skills and the only other alternative was regular ed--no services even close to what we have here), along with the amazing job Eric is doing because of his fabulous teachers and staff....we now know why we moved and are more than thrilled that we did!

Summer Has Come and Passed

I can't believe school has already started--at least for Eric--and vacation is over, day trips are done and the pools are closing. I'm happy for the cooler weather, but sad because this was the first summer that felt semi-normal in our house, i.e. doing things we couldn't do in the past and really enjoying spending time together as a family doing regular family stuff!

School for Eric seems to be going well. It was questionable about how the day would go, could he/would he ride the bus, etc., but once all of that got ironed out (I won't bore you with the inconsequential details), it is going well. I really love his teachers. They are both young, energetic and full of great ideas! No tears were shed on the first day, although I will admit that having to relinquish control over some portion of my child's day is tearing me apart!

There are four kids in his autism support classroom, along with the teacher and three aides. He starts his day in his regular ed classroom with an aide. I'm not sure how the day progresses from there, i.e. when they pull him out to go to his autism room, if they wait for him to be having a difficult time, if he has to leave to go to speech or OT. I know it isn't all ironed out yet as school hasn't even been in session a full week yet.

We have been busy around here--with the usual stuff, but with some fun stuff too! We decided to take an overnight trip to Hershey last weekend. Rob was already in Carlisle for a Corvette show, so the boys and I drove out to meet him. We spent Saturday afternoon at the M&H Railroad where the boys got to ride a real train. Then, we checked into our hotel and took the boys swimming. After we showered and got ready, we headed out to dinner and then to the Park. It was great. Evan really loves the rides and Eric was quite excited to do the water park on Sunday. We woke up Sunday morning and met my sister, Dad and Lauren for breakfast and then went to Chocolate World. After that, we went into the park. Eric only rode the Carousel and the trains, Evan was into just about everything and kept asking if he could ride the roller coaster--sorry buddy, still too small. Rob and Eric eventually took off for the water park. We met them there and Eric was having a blast. He had a life jacket on and just thought it was the bee's knees because he could bob up and down and float all over. He kept going under and didn't care! All in all, it was a really, really nice weekend.

Evan doesn't start school until September 9, but when I asked him the other day why we go to school, he told me "to have fun." Hopefully that attitude lasts the next 14+ years!

We are going to a Pirates game on Sunday with the boys. They have never been so I'm anxious to see how it goes. Eric isn't much for loud crowds, so it could be interesting. We thought his hands might become permanently attached to his ears at Hershey Park, so I can only imagine the ballgame will be the same.

The boys and I went downtown to ride the incline and walk through Station Square. This is them on one of the lookouts from Mt. Washington.

First day of school in Eric's regular ed classroom.

M&H train ride.

M&H train ride.

Summer Continues

I haven't written in a while...not for any particular reason other than we are busy, busy, busy.

Summer is flying by. I can't decide whether that is good or bad. Since vacation, we have been busy here at home--attending cookouts, going swimming, playing at the park, etc. The boys started horseback riding again, which is great. They really both enjoy it and Eric is getting much better at paying attention during his rides.

The boys and I went to Wilkes-Barre a few weeks ago just to get away for a bit. My mom and I took the boys to Knoebel's for the day--a super cute amusement park just the right size for them. They seemed to enjoy it.

Sorry if this all sounds a bit flat, but I'm tired. Our usual schedule can be exhausting, but the last two were definitely brutal--and I'm not actually the one doing anything, I'm just the taxi driver. My Eric has been such a trooper.

We started a new therapy almost two weeks ago. It involves different colors of light, movement and sound. Since Eric has such intense sensory needs--running, jumping, deep pressure, etc.--this therapy is supposed to help his visual, auditory and vestibular systems communicate and interact more effectively and appropriately. Needless to say, he has actually enjoyed it. He gets to play with glow-in-the-dark toys during therapy (we tell him he is going to see the lights and stars). And, we paid a trip to the dollar store and got a whole bunch of trinkety-type toys so he got a "present" every time he finished a session. The first 12 days were center-based, twice a day for 30 minutes at a time. We conduct the next 18 days at home, twice a day for 20 minutes at a time. The center-based therapy was tough. Driving twice daily to a center ten miles away takes its toll, especially since we kept to our regular routine. Thank God my mother-in-law was able and willing to watch Evan, otherwise I'm not sure what we would have done. Evan couldn't go to therapy because the room has to be quiet, etc. and Eric wanted me with him so I couldn't sit in the waiting room with Evan.

I thought the transition from center to home would be tough, but he loves it. We go in my closet with a blanket and some pillows (and toys, of course) and he gets to chill and look at the light. He's been asking to go back into the closet all day and I've found him in there a few times.

It will be a few months before we see any types of results. Right now, it will be more bad than good. He's been more emotional, not sleeping as well, etc. All things that we were warned about. We have noticed a few good things though too--he's initiating better eye contact and is hardly hitting Evan at all.

Evan is doing great. He is scripting a ton lately, but his BSC assures me that that can be very typical before a large language jump. I can't imagine a large language jump with the kid because he simply does not shut-up all day long, but who knows.

I had his IEP meeting a few weeks ago and it went well. The preschool has a new director and I was a bit apprehensive about her upon first meeting her. After the IEP, I'm a little more at ease. He won't have a TSS with him next year and she kept saying what a sweet (and quiet) little boy I had. I kept telling her that clearly she had never seen him at home!

Eric starts Kindergarten in 2 ½ weeks. I am supposed to go later this week to take him to meet his teacher, see his classroom, etc.

Aside from that, not much is going on. It’s been so long since I’ve written that I’m sure I’m missing stuff. We are trying to plan a few more things this summer into early fall—Sandcastle, Hershey Park, canoeing and maybe a camping trip.

As always, here are a few recent photos of the boys.

The boys and I on the carousel at Knoebel's

The boys in the Vette at the Pittsburgh Vintage Grand Prix.

Rob and the boys on a bridge watching fireworks on the Fourth. The boys LOVED it!

Sparklers on the Fourth.

More sparklers on the Fourth.

Evan playing golf with a wiffle ball and one of Rob's irons.

Vacation and Such

Ahhh, vacation was wonderful. For a week, we literally did nothing. We floated between the pool at the house, the pools in our complex and the beach. We went out to eat a few times and took Eric shopping to a toy store on his birthday, but otherwise, did nothing. No shopping, no site seeing...sweet nothing. And yet, the week flew by. Our weeks usually go by pretty quickly with how busy we are that I thought doing nothing might slow time down a bit. Apparently not.

On the way to the beach we stopped for the night in Tysons Corner, VA. We have never spent a night in a hotel with the boys, but we were excited to do it, knowing we might only get a few hours of sleep. They had so much fun jumping on the beds, taking a bath, etc. While watching the Penguins take the Stanley Cup, Eric fell asleep around 10, Evan around 11. They slept until nearly 7 a.m., which, if you know my boys, is seriously late. The only issue was Benny. The dog rarely, if ever, barks. That isn't the case in a hotel. Every sound or shadow under the door he saw/heard he was barking. At one point, it scared Evan so badly he fell out of bed! Though he never woke up. It wasn't particularly annoying because Rob dealt with the dog and all I heard all night (in a whisper-yell) was "Benny, stop." It was hilarious.

Taking Benny on vacation this year was great. It was so nice having our whole family together. I know, I sound lame, but Benny is still the first baby. He "fell" in the pool one time and that was it for his swimming experience. He swam over to Rob and literally tried to grab onto him. If he was younger, I would have forced it, but I didn't want my eight-year-old dog breaking a hip because I wanted to see him swim. He was on the beach a few times and running through shallow waves, but never really got in. Probably hard since we had him on a leash almost all of the time.

During the week we went down to the beach, flew our kite, played in the sand. Really, it was a wonderful week. The weather wasn't great--only high 70's and fairly overcast most of the time, but warm enough to get in the ocean and the pools. Coming home wasn't too painful and the boys were excellent for the 10-hour car ride that started a 4 a.m.

Now that we are home, life continues to be insane. Rob started his last semester of grad school this week. Three nights a week until mid-august. I know he can't wait for it to be over, but I CAN'T WAIT for him to be done. It's been a long three years and I’m not even the one in school.

The boys had vacation bible school this week at the church where they attend preschool. It only cost $15 per child so, to be totally honest, I wasn't expecting much. I just thought it would buy me some time to catch up on work and errands since we were away for a week (my how those things pile up quickly). To my pleasant surprise, it was AWESOME and the boys LOVED it. It was 2.5 hours every morning for the week. It was fast-moving and set up in 20-30 minute segments of opening ceremonies, crafts, rec time, bible/story time, music, etc. Both of their TSS went with them, which gave me a week of having no one in my house. I really like both of their TSS, but it's nice not having anyone here for a week. Both the TSS seemed impressed with the program and I simply cannot believe how organized it was and how much the boys loved it. It goes through elementary school age so clearly the boys will be going there for years to come!

Next week it is back to our regular schedule :-(. On top of the normal therapies, meetings and general running around, the boys start horseback riding again on Tuesday. I can't wait for that. I think I enjoy it as much as them!

On a totally separate note, I spoke with the boys' nurse practitioner yesterday regarding the blood work we had done a month or so ago. Both boys are doing well. They still have significant immune dysregulation, however, it is slowly beginning to get better. Evan's gluten tolerance has increased and he is now in the normal range, however, we still have to follow the gluten-free diet. It's nice to know that it is getting better, even when we let him cheat! I won't bore you with all of the finer details, but in general, the boys are doing better health-wise...and really in general. A nice, relaxing vacation and some good summer weather does us all some good!

Here are a few photos from vacation and the last few weeks. Enjoy!

The fam down at the beach! My friend Kelley came down for a few days, so she got some of all four (well, five) of us together.

Eric in the pool--where he LOVES to be!

The boys in the water at dusk.

Boys taking a bath in one of the two huge tubs in the house. I failed to mention the house was entirely too large for our family. We rented soundside this year (won't do it again. The location really wasn't too bad, but the smell was less than desirable). We had four bedrooms, only needed three at the most, and the boys decided our first night there that they were going to share a room!

More fam on the beach.

The boys playing Wii.

Rob and Evan flying Evan's Cars kite. They are far bottom left and the kite is far top right.

Evan and I in the "little" pool, a.k.a. the hot tub.

Boys and Daddy going for a walk at the nature preserve.

Eric on the Slip 'N Slide in our backyard.

Evan on the Slip 'N Slide in our backyard.

Evan in the dryer....just don't even ask.

Three Days Away

I just got back yesterday from a three-day girl’s weekend in Richmond with Tiffany and Abby. We had such a nice, relaxing weekend. Ate too much, drank too much and did a whole lot of nothing, but it was well deserved. That’s the longest I have ever been away from the boys by myself. Have to say, I’m quite proud of myself. Though I have to admit I’m sad it’s over, I was very anxious to get home to see ALL my boys. Rob took off on Friday to spend the day with the boys. They went to the zoo, for a cookout at Adam and Nancy’s, up to his sisters, etc.
The boys are doing well. We took them last weekend for their blood work and won’t know for another month or so what the results are. They were both so good and brave and handled it so well. Eric is handling the new vitamins well; Evan not so much. We have pulled him off of all his new supplements and will reintroduce them slowly. Something was making him whiny and cranky and bossy and miserable. It’s kind of frustrating because he is doing so well—better than we could have hoped a year ago—and this just threw him off. But, we’ll figure it out and move forward.

They are both done with school and we should know something about Eric’s new TSS sometime this week or next. He currently has no one as his one who was pregnant has stopped working and the other one, whom we didn’t like, we got rid of once school was done.

We leave for three weeks for vacation. I can’t say I’m anxious for the drive, but after a nice, long, relaxing weekend, I’m ready for the beach.

Not much else going on. Life is slowing down for the summer and it is wonderful!

Happy Mother's Day: Part 2

I know, you don't hear from me for a month and now I'm up to two posts per day.

We had an awesome day today. We went to lunch, the boys rode their bikes at the park, we played at the park, went to the animal shelter and had crab legs for dinner. A GREAT day! The boys know how and actually enjoyed riding their bikes. They never cease to amaze me. Little, everyday miracles, right? What a wonderful Mother's Day gift from my boys--a day of euphoric normalcy--great behavior, fun and lots of laughs! It doesn't get any better.

Anyway, here are some photos and videos from today.

Happy Mother's Day

I wanted to post some new pics of the boys to the site, but just haven't gotten around to it. Well, Rob handled it for me. For Mother's Day, he met a photographer at a local park and had some amazing photos of the boys taken. Not only that, he had her put together a book of the best ones, with quotes about moms, etc. It's really awesome. As Rob said, this is the gift that all future gifts will be judged against. Good luck to him.

Here is the link and the album passcode is: rbilger.

http://www.jesphotographyonline.com/Proof%20Buddy/

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Seriously, don't I have the cutest kids (and sweetest husband) on the planet?

Etc., Etc., Etc.

I am an etc. abuser and I know it, so why not title a blog entry by it? Put it out there, in the open and acknowledge my overuse (and abuse) of it...

I had Eric's IEP meeting last week and, truth be told, I couldn't be happier. His teacher, speech and occupational therapists, the principle, everyone involved is really great--on the ball, on the same page with me as far as addressing both good and bad behaviors, wants to be in contact with all of our service providers so that there is consistency of care and learning, etc. I was really impressed and can't wait for the school year to start. I have high hopes and by now I should know better. But something great is coming for Eric. I know it. I have to believe it.

He will get to ride the bus home from school every day. A smaller bus, and not the same one as the kids in our neighborhood, but that is OK. Sometime this summer we will get to go and visit the school so he can see his classroom, etc. I think he will LOVE it. It's so fit for him--a trampoline, soft lighting, computers. He may think he died and went to heaven. Until they start working the crap out of him in the fall!

We had our appointment today with our "special" doctor. I truly don't know what else to call her. What was supposed to be an hour and a half for each boy turned into 20 minutes for Evan and an hour and a half for Eric--more or less. Evan's just doing phenomenal. He is progressing at an incredible rate. We have our TSS to thank for that. No doubt. He loves her. She is great with him. And she has made all the difference. Plus, Evan was a different (and is a different) case than Eric. I can only imagine his increased amount of time in school next year (three days verses the two he is there now) will help him even more!

Though overall Eric is doing well, where Evan takes leaps and bounds, Eric takes small, baby steps. Which is funny, it's just like their personalities. Evan goes into a room on and ready to run the show and Eric takes his time, observing and taking everything into account. I could learn a few things from my son--slowing down a bit, singing while I'm slowing down, etc.

I digress. The last few months have been trying and we have muddled through and are finally emerging on the other side. That isn't without questions, though. What happened to push Eric so far over the edge? Rob and I suspect allergies, so we are going to make an appointment with an allergist. Since the "special" doctor is doing another blood-panel on each of the boys--a good comparison with last year's baseline--we will wait until we see the allergist as they usually do blood tests in children as young as Eric. I do not want to subject him (or myself) to the hell of blood work. Though both of the boys were troopers last time, it brought me to tears.

If nothing comes back from the allergist, we will have a full food allergy panel done. They are hesitant to have us do this as it is very expensive and insurance doesn't cover it. Seriously, these doctors have Eric and Evan's best interests at heart. They want them to get better, but not bankrupt us.

Not sure what the next steps are beyond that, if they find nothing. In the meantime, both of the boys will start on Vitamin C and D supplements, as well as Calcium and Magnesium. This is just the next step in the process. I'm most anxious to start the Magnesium with both of the boys as it is supposed to have a calming effect and I hope it can give them a bit of reprieve from the hyperactivity and jitteriness they have inherited from me.

More to come, but overall things are well here. May is an insane month between preschool stuff and my work and other things. I'm looking forward to the insanity that will ensue this summer with 27 hours of TSS in our house, not to mention the other activities I'm trying to get the boys in--bible camp, horseback riding, weekly field trips, etc. Gotta do something to keep ourselves busy :-)

AWESOME Weekend!

After posting such a negative update last time, we had an amazing weekend with the boys. We were outside most of the weekend--working in the yard, getting ice cream, going to the parks (yes, not once, but twice--in one day! Thanks, Rob.). We are thinking that Eric has allergies. He has been miserable the last two months and recently started coughing, getting really hoarse, etc. I started giving him Claritin on Friday night and maybe that has made all the difference. I assumed it was being outside all weekend--fresh air, bare feet and lots of sun--what every little boy needs. But maybe he is just feeling better--you know, "Claritin clear."

We have the "special" doctor's appointment on May 7. I'm fairly certain they will order more blood work to see where the boys are in comparison to last year. I'm hoping they can do some allergy testing on Eric as well. Poor boy got all the crap in life--aside from the obvious--lazy eye, webbed toe, glasses, nappy hair...I could go on and on. He's cute as hell though, so....

We have Eric's IEP meeting on Thursday (also happens to be Benny's eighth birthday--he's getting so old :-(). I'm anxious to meet his teacher. I saw her when I went to visit the classroom and have spoken with her on the phone, but I'm still excited to sit down and chat with her. I met his speech therapist that he will have next year and she is amazing. Had some really great ideas for Eric--after only meeting him for a few minutes! Things no one had thought of before. She also holds a lot of the same beliefs as me, i.e., if he is using his words, he should be rewarded, etc.

Saturday, Rob and I are headed to PSU for the night. A night away for our seventh anniversary. Yep, seven years. It has flown by!

I will hopefully post more after this week to let you know how the IEP meeting went.

The Pain of Parenting

I had a meeting two weeks ago with the school psychologist regarding all of the testing that Eric has done for entrance into Kindergarten. We went over all of the results and, like all evaluation-type meetings, it was nearly two hours of the things that are wrong with my child.

At the end of the meeting, I asked what their recommendation would be for next school year--our home school or the elementary school that is farther away that has the autism classroom. They recommended the autism classroom. And I started to cry. Not because I felt like they were ganging up on me or that they were trying to put Eric somewhere he doesn't belong, but because the truth hurts and he does belong there. I want to believe that Eric is perfect. That I will wake up one day and this will all have gone away, the truth is this is my life. Our life.

After discussing why this is what they recommended--he needs more one-to-one support, the learning support classroom in our home school is quite the revolving door and has A LOT going on at any given point during the day and Eric would get lost, that in the autism classroom he would still have the opportunity to interact with regular peers because the district is big on inclusion (plus, it's the law), etc. They made valid point after valid point and I simply could not argue. When it's just one person and Eric he is usually on--looking at you, answering questions, sharing the knowledge that he has, interacting and being playful. When you add more than that (unless it's just the four of us in our immediate family), Eric gets lost. He sucks on his finger and does his own thing. It's hard to interact with him. It's hard for him to focus. This classroom would give him the environment that he needs. Not to mention that the teacher strongly believes in applied behavior analysis (what we do all the time), but because she has over 20 years of experience with kids on the spectrum.

When Rob and I finally sat down to discuss everything that night, we were both beaten and shaken by it. Little by little these kinds of things chip away at the dream we have for Eric. Rob made the most valid point. The last two years Eric has been in a typical preschool with a TSS. Last year he had an awesome TSS and a horrible teacher. This year he has a great teacher and a terrible TSS. What we have been doing simply isn't working and now is the time to take another avenue.

Long story short, and after running away to Baltimore for a few days just to get away from here, I called the school psychologist and told her that we were choosing the autism classroom and that we could go ahead and schedule the IEP meeting--no need to meet with both principals and teachers to further discuss his placement.

After all the anguish over all of this, I am finally feel a small sense of relief. It's the not-knowing that always drives me insane.

Another Month Has Passed

I started this blog to keep everyone up-to-date on the kids, Rob and I, etc. and as it turns out, I'm not that good at updating it!

The last month has been busy--and trying.

Evan had his fourth birthday--I simply cannot believe my youngest child is already four! It seems impossible. Pictures flash across my computer screen saver of him in the hospital and I'm in awe of how far he has come in four short years and reminded of how truly blessed we are. His life, and ours, could have turned out very, very different.

Last weekend we went to the zoo for Evan's birthday. The boys LOVED it. We are there fairly regularly, but this was a particularly great day. The weather was perfect. Most of the animals were out and awake. The boys walked and rested without complaint. We let Evan pick out a gift for his birthday in the gift shop. He didn't choose a cute stuffed animal or safari backpack, but two pencils and a lollipop. Can't complain, the kids a cheap date! That evening we had a little family party here for him and afterward he decided that he was going to sleep over his cousins' house. It broke my heart that he so readily wanted to leave me for the night, but he had a great time (he even slept on the floor in a sleeping bag) and I know it's really good for him to be around them as much as possible. They had a little celebration at school too where I got to read a favorite book of Evan's to the class (these days, "Chicka Chicka 123") and have a birthday treat (another favorite--yogurt and M&Ms). I think he enjoyed the several days of "all eyes on Evan."

Evan also had his spring concert. And after he wouldn't perform in front of me at the Christmas show, I didn't go. I watched most of a practice and caught the tail end of the live performance. He did great. Stayed on stage, sang and even pretended to play guitar. Eric's concert is later this month. I won't be attending that one either. Thank God other people have volunteered to video tape it for me.

I went last week to see one of the two classrooms that Eric could be in next year. The autism classroom at a neighboring elementary school was impressive to say the least--no florescent lights, ,multiple ceiling fans (the hum and air movement calms children with ASD), trampolines in the room, etc. The walls were fairly bare so the kids couldn't stim or be distracted by posters or signs. The desks were set up like mini office cubes with nothing on the walls, but a quiet place for the kids to do their work. The school even has a sensory room (I learned that day that all the schools in our district do) that looks like an OT or PT room complete with exercise balls and bands, therapy swings, gym mats--you name it, they have it! Though I was impressed by the school, I'm hoping Eric doesn't have to go there. There are only 2.5 kids (two full-time, one kindergarten) in the autism classroom district wide (for grades K-3). I know one of the children cannot speak and uses a computer and from what the principal told me it's more of a life skills classroom, i.e. still potty training, etc. Though I know Eric would love the classroom, he needs good peer models. I'm sure I sound like a snob saying I don't want him in the classroom, but I really want him to be pushed and to have good examples to follow. Don't get me wrong, I know he's not necessarily a shining example and that there are parents who may not want their children around him. I’m not blind.

I still have to go and see the learning support room in our elementary school before Eric's IEP meeting. I'll let you know how that goes.

Through both of the kids physical activities programs, they got to go horseback riding (therapeutic) not once, but twice this past week. I was a bit nervous about it. Would they wear the helmets, would they even get on? Turns out, they love it. Both put on their helmets, no problem. Eric walked right up to the horse, climbed the stairs to get into the saddle and off he went. Evan was a bit more hesitant, but once he was up on the horse, he was loving it. Eric was so quiet the whole time. No verbal stimming, no movement, he was just so peaceful. And then, on the way home, aside from requesting songs on the iPod, he didn't say (or stim) a word. It was really impressive. We will definitely make riding a fairly regular occurrence. The kids love to swim and ride horses--boys after my own heart! Part of the reason I haven't written much over the last month is because it's been really rough around here. Eric has been pretty out of control--hyper, hitting his TSS at school, testing us here at home, perseverating on anything and everything. It's just been miserable. I want to use this blog to inform, not complain, but sometimes I think I paint too rosey a picture of a day in the life of me.

Looking at my boys, I'm reminded each day that, as parents, we want what is best for our children. We want them to succeed and be happy and good. But I question the motive for that. Do we want it because of them or because of us? Because how they are, what they are, who they turn into, is a direct reflection of what we do (or don't do). I question myself every day, numerous times a day, if I'm doing the right thing by my kids. I know what I have to do to help them, but what is my motivation?

Lately, our lives are so hectic. Our schedule of activities and therapies and life has gotten so out of control that the little things that I used to enjoy are becoming strenuous and labor-laden. With the boys on break this week and us playing hookie and heading to Baltimore for a few days, I'm hoping it's just what we need to gain a fresh outlook and start reveling in the small joys that I've recently been overlooking.