Another Month Has Passed

I started this blog to keep everyone up-to-date on the kids, Rob and I, etc. and as it turns out, I'm not that good at updating it!

The last month has been busy--and trying.

Evan had his fourth birthday--I simply cannot believe my youngest child is already four! It seems impossible. Pictures flash across my computer screen saver of him in the hospital and I'm in awe of how far he has come in four short years and reminded of how truly blessed we are. His life, and ours, could have turned out very, very different.

Last weekend we went to the zoo for Evan's birthday. The boys LOVED it. We are there fairly regularly, but this was a particularly great day. The weather was perfect. Most of the animals were out and awake. The boys walked and rested without complaint. We let Evan pick out a gift for his birthday in the gift shop. He didn't choose a cute stuffed animal or safari backpack, but two pencils and a lollipop. Can't complain, the kids a cheap date! That evening we had a little family party here for him and afterward he decided that he was going to sleep over his cousins' house. It broke my heart that he so readily wanted to leave me for the night, but he had a great time (he even slept on the floor in a sleeping bag) and I know it's really good for him to be around them as much as possible. They had a little celebration at school too where I got to read a favorite book of Evan's to the class (these days, "Chicka Chicka 123") and have a birthday treat (another favorite--yogurt and M&Ms). I think he enjoyed the several days of "all eyes on Evan."

Evan also had his spring concert. And after he wouldn't perform in front of me at the Christmas show, I didn't go. I watched most of a practice and caught the tail end of the live performance. He did great. Stayed on stage, sang and even pretended to play guitar. Eric's concert is later this month. I won't be attending that one either. Thank God other people have volunteered to video tape it for me.

I went last week to see one of the two classrooms that Eric could be in next year. The autism classroom at a neighboring elementary school was impressive to say the least--no florescent lights, ,multiple ceiling fans (the hum and air movement calms children with ASD), trampolines in the room, etc. The walls were fairly bare so the kids couldn't stim or be distracted by posters or signs. The desks were set up like mini office cubes with nothing on the walls, but a quiet place for the kids to do their work. The school even has a sensory room (I learned that day that all the schools in our district do) that looks like an OT or PT room complete with exercise balls and bands, therapy swings, gym mats--you name it, they have it! Though I was impressed by the school, I'm hoping Eric doesn't have to go there. There are only 2.5 kids (two full-time, one kindergarten) in the autism classroom district wide (for grades K-3). I know one of the children cannot speak and uses a computer and from what the principal told me it's more of a life skills classroom, i.e. still potty training, etc. Though I know Eric would love the classroom, he needs good peer models. I'm sure I sound like a snob saying I don't want him in the classroom, but I really want him to be pushed and to have good examples to follow. Don't get me wrong, I know he's not necessarily a shining example and that there are parents who may not want their children around him. I’m not blind.

I still have to go and see the learning support room in our elementary school before Eric's IEP meeting. I'll let you know how that goes.

Through both of the kids physical activities programs, they got to go horseback riding (therapeutic) not once, but twice this past week. I was a bit nervous about it. Would they wear the helmets, would they even get on? Turns out, they love it. Both put on their helmets, no problem. Eric walked right up to the horse, climbed the stairs to get into the saddle and off he went. Evan was a bit more hesitant, but once he was up on the horse, he was loving it. Eric was so quiet the whole time. No verbal stimming, no movement, he was just so peaceful. And then, on the way home, aside from requesting songs on the iPod, he didn't say (or stim) a word. It was really impressive. We will definitely make riding a fairly regular occurrence. The kids love to swim and ride horses--boys after my own heart! Part of the reason I haven't written much over the last month is because it's been really rough around here. Eric has been pretty out of control--hyper, hitting his TSS at school, testing us here at home, perseverating on anything and everything. It's just been miserable. I want to use this blog to inform, not complain, but sometimes I think I paint too rosey a picture of a day in the life of me.

Looking at my boys, I'm reminded each day that, as parents, we want what is best for our children. We want them to succeed and be happy and good. But I question the motive for that. Do we want it because of them or because of us? Because how they are, what they are, who they turn into, is a direct reflection of what we do (or don't do). I question myself every day, numerous times a day, if I'm doing the right thing by my kids. I know what I have to do to help them, but what is my motivation?

Lately, our lives are so hectic. Our schedule of activities and therapies and life has gotten so out of control that the little things that I used to enjoy are becoming strenuous and labor-laden. With the boys on break this week and us playing hookie and heading to Baltimore for a few days, I'm hoping it's just what we need to gain a fresh outlook and start reveling in the small joys that I've recently been overlooking.