Happy Mother's Day: Part 2

I know, you don't hear from me for a month and now I'm up to two posts per day.

We had an awesome day today. We went to lunch, the boys rode their bikes at the park, we played at the park, went to the animal shelter and had crab legs for dinner. A GREAT day! The boys know how and actually enjoyed riding their bikes. They never cease to amaze me. Little, everyday miracles, right? What a wonderful Mother's Day gift from my boys--a day of euphoric normalcy--great behavior, fun and lots of laughs! It doesn't get any better.

Anyway, here are some photos and videos from today.

Happy Mother's Day

I wanted to post some new pics of the boys to the site, but just haven't gotten around to it. Well, Rob handled it for me. For Mother's Day, he met a photographer at a local park and had some amazing photos of the boys taken. Not only that, he had her put together a book of the best ones, with quotes about moms, etc. It's really awesome. As Rob said, this is the gift that all future gifts will be judged against. Good luck to him.

Here is the link and the album passcode is: rbilger.

http://www.jesphotographyonline.com/Proof%20Buddy/

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Seriously, don't I have the cutest kids (and sweetest husband) on the planet?

Etc., Etc., Etc.

I am an etc. abuser and I know it, so why not title a blog entry by it? Put it out there, in the open and acknowledge my overuse (and abuse) of it...

I had Eric's IEP meeting last week and, truth be told, I couldn't be happier. His teacher, speech and occupational therapists, the principle, everyone involved is really great--on the ball, on the same page with me as far as addressing both good and bad behaviors, wants to be in contact with all of our service providers so that there is consistency of care and learning, etc. I was really impressed and can't wait for the school year to start. I have high hopes and by now I should know better. But something great is coming for Eric. I know it. I have to believe it.

He will get to ride the bus home from school every day. A smaller bus, and not the same one as the kids in our neighborhood, but that is OK. Sometime this summer we will get to go and visit the school so he can see his classroom, etc. I think he will LOVE it. It's so fit for him--a trampoline, soft lighting, computers. He may think he died and went to heaven. Until they start working the crap out of him in the fall!

We had our appointment today with our "special" doctor. I truly don't know what else to call her. What was supposed to be an hour and a half for each boy turned into 20 minutes for Evan and an hour and a half for Eric--more or less. Evan's just doing phenomenal. He is progressing at an incredible rate. We have our TSS to thank for that. No doubt. He loves her. She is great with him. And she has made all the difference. Plus, Evan was a different (and is a different) case than Eric. I can only imagine his increased amount of time in school next year (three days verses the two he is there now) will help him even more!

Though overall Eric is doing well, where Evan takes leaps and bounds, Eric takes small, baby steps. Which is funny, it's just like their personalities. Evan goes into a room on and ready to run the show and Eric takes his time, observing and taking everything into account. I could learn a few things from my son--slowing down a bit, singing while I'm slowing down, etc.

I digress. The last few months have been trying and we have muddled through and are finally emerging on the other side. That isn't without questions, though. What happened to push Eric so far over the edge? Rob and I suspect allergies, so we are going to make an appointment with an allergist. Since the "special" doctor is doing another blood-panel on each of the boys--a good comparison with last year's baseline--we will wait until we see the allergist as they usually do blood tests in children as young as Eric. I do not want to subject him (or myself) to the hell of blood work. Though both of the boys were troopers last time, it brought me to tears.

If nothing comes back from the allergist, we will have a full food allergy panel done. They are hesitant to have us do this as it is very expensive and insurance doesn't cover it. Seriously, these doctors have Eric and Evan's best interests at heart. They want them to get better, but not bankrupt us.

Not sure what the next steps are beyond that, if they find nothing. In the meantime, both of the boys will start on Vitamin C and D supplements, as well as Calcium and Magnesium. This is just the next step in the process. I'm most anxious to start the Magnesium with both of the boys as it is supposed to have a calming effect and I hope it can give them a bit of reprieve from the hyperactivity and jitteriness they have inherited from me.

More to come, but overall things are well here. May is an insane month between preschool stuff and my work and other things. I'm looking forward to the insanity that will ensue this summer with 27 hours of TSS in our house, not to mention the other activities I'm trying to get the boys in--bible camp, horseback riding, weekly field trips, etc. Gotta do something to keep ourselves busy :-)

AWESOME Weekend!

After posting such a negative update last time, we had an amazing weekend with the boys. We were outside most of the weekend--working in the yard, getting ice cream, going to the parks (yes, not once, but twice--in one day! Thanks, Rob.). We are thinking that Eric has allergies. He has been miserable the last two months and recently started coughing, getting really hoarse, etc. I started giving him Claritin on Friday night and maybe that has made all the difference. I assumed it was being outside all weekend--fresh air, bare feet and lots of sun--what every little boy needs. But maybe he is just feeling better--you know, "Claritin clear."

We have the "special" doctor's appointment on May 7. I'm fairly certain they will order more blood work to see where the boys are in comparison to last year. I'm hoping they can do some allergy testing on Eric as well. Poor boy got all the crap in life--aside from the obvious--lazy eye, webbed toe, glasses, nappy hair...I could go on and on. He's cute as hell though, so....

We have Eric's IEP meeting on Thursday (also happens to be Benny's eighth birthday--he's getting so old :-(). I'm anxious to meet his teacher. I saw her when I went to visit the classroom and have spoken with her on the phone, but I'm still excited to sit down and chat with her. I met his speech therapist that he will have next year and she is amazing. Had some really great ideas for Eric--after only meeting him for a few minutes! Things no one had thought of before. She also holds a lot of the same beliefs as me, i.e., if he is using his words, he should be rewarded, etc.

Saturday, Rob and I are headed to PSU for the night. A night away for our seventh anniversary. Yep, seven years. It has flown by!

I will hopefully post more after this week to let you know how the IEP meeting went.

The Pain of Parenting

I had a meeting two weeks ago with the school psychologist regarding all of the testing that Eric has done for entrance into Kindergarten. We went over all of the results and, like all evaluation-type meetings, it was nearly two hours of the things that are wrong with my child.

At the end of the meeting, I asked what their recommendation would be for next school year--our home school or the elementary school that is farther away that has the autism classroom. They recommended the autism classroom. And I started to cry. Not because I felt like they were ganging up on me or that they were trying to put Eric somewhere he doesn't belong, but because the truth hurts and he does belong there. I want to believe that Eric is perfect. That I will wake up one day and this will all have gone away, the truth is this is my life. Our life.

After discussing why this is what they recommended--he needs more one-to-one support, the learning support classroom in our home school is quite the revolving door and has A LOT going on at any given point during the day and Eric would get lost, that in the autism classroom he would still have the opportunity to interact with regular peers because the district is big on inclusion (plus, it's the law), etc. They made valid point after valid point and I simply could not argue. When it's just one person and Eric he is usually on--looking at you, answering questions, sharing the knowledge that he has, interacting and being playful. When you add more than that (unless it's just the four of us in our immediate family), Eric gets lost. He sucks on his finger and does his own thing. It's hard to interact with him. It's hard for him to focus. This classroom would give him the environment that he needs. Not to mention that the teacher strongly believes in applied behavior analysis (what we do all the time), but because she has over 20 years of experience with kids on the spectrum.

When Rob and I finally sat down to discuss everything that night, we were both beaten and shaken by it. Little by little these kinds of things chip away at the dream we have for Eric. Rob made the most valid point. The last two years Eric has been in a typical preschool with a TSS. Last year he had an awesome TSS and a horrible teacher. This year he has a great teacher and a terrible TSS. What we have been doing simply isn't working and now is the time to take another avenue.

Long story short, and after running away to Baltimore for a few days just to get away from here, I called the school psychologist and told her that we were choosing the autism classroom and that we could go ahead and schedule the IEP meeting--no need to meet with both principals and teachers to further discuss his placement.

After all the anguish over all of this, I am finally feel a small sense of relief. It's the not-knowing that always drives me insane.

Another Month Has Passed

I started this blog to keep everyone up-to-date on the kids, Rob and I, etc. and as it turns out, I'm not that good at updating it!

The last month has been busy--and trying.

Evan had his fourth birthday--I simply cannot believe my youngest child is already four! It seems impossible. Pictures flash across my computer screen saver of him in the hospital and I'm in awe of how far he has come in four short years and reminded of how truly blessed we are. His life, and ours, could have turned out very, very different.

Last weekend we went to the zoo for Evan's birthday. The boys LOVED it. We are there fairly regularly, but this was a particularly great day. The weather was perfect. Most of the animals were out and awake. The boys walked and rested without complaint. We let Evan pick out a gift for his birthday in the gift shop. He didn't choose a cute stuffed animal or safari backpack, but two pencils and a lollipop. Can't complain, the kids a cheap date! That evening we had a little family party here for him and afterward he decided that he was going to sleep over his cousins' house. It broke my heart that he so readily wanted to leave me for the night, but he had a great time (he even slept on the floor in a sleeping bag) and I know it's really good for him to be around them as much as possible. They had a little celebration at school too where I got to read a favorite book of Evan's to the class (these days, "Chicka Chicka 123") and have a birthday treat (another favorite--yogurt and M&Ms). I think he enjoyed the several days of "all eyes on Evan."

Evan also had his spring concert. And after he wouldn't perform in front of me at the Christmas show, I didn't go. I watched most of a practice and caught the tail end of the live performance. He did great. Stayed on stage, sang and even pretended to play guitar. Eric's concert is later this month. I won't be attending that one either. Thank God other people have volunteered to video tape it for me.

I went last week to see one of the two classrooms that Eric could be in next year. The autism classroom at a neighboring elementary school was impressive to say the least--no florescent lights, ,multiple ceiling fans (the hum and air movement calms children with ASD), trampolines in the room, etc. The walls were fairly bare so the kids couldn't stim or be distracted by posters or signs. The desks were set up like mini office cubes with nothing on the walls, but a quiet place for the kids to do their work. The school even has a sensory room (I learned that day that all the schools in our district do) that looks like an OT or PT room complete with exercise balls and bands, therapy swings, gym mats--you name it, they have it! Though I was impressed by the school, I'm hoping Eric doesn't have to go there. There are only 2.5 kids (two full-time, one kindergarten) in the autism classroom district wide (for grades K-3). I know one of the children cannot speak and uses a computer and from what the principal told me it's more of a life skills classroom, i.e. still potty training, etc. Though I know Eric would love the classroom, he needs good peer models. I'm sure I sound like a snob saying I don't want him in the classroom, but I really want him to be pushed and to have good examples to follow. Don't get me wrong, I know he's not necessarily a shining example and that there are parents who may not want their children around him. I’m not blind.

I still have to go and see the learning support room in our elementary school before Eric's IEP meeting. I'll let you know how that goes.

Through both of the kids physical activities programs, they got to go horseback riding (therapeutic) not once, but twice this past week. I was a bit nervous about it. Would they wear the helmets, would they even get on? Turns out, they love it. Both put on their helmets, no problem. Eric walked right up to the horse, climbed the stairs to get into the saddle and off he went. Evan was a bit more hesitant, but once he was up on the horse, he was loving it. Eric was so quiet the whole time. No verbal stimming, no movement, he was just so peaceful. And then, on the way home, aside from requesting songs on the iPod, he didn't say (or stim) a word. It was really impressive. We will definitely make riding a fairly regular occurrence. The kids love to swim and ride horses--boys after my own heart! Part of the reason I haven't written much over the last month is because it's been really rough around here. Eric has been pretty out of control--hyper, hitting his TSS at school, testing us here at home, perseverating on anything and everything. It's just been miserable. I want to use this blog to inform, not complain, but sometimes I think I paint too rosey a picture of a day in the life of me.

Looking at my boys, I'm reminded each day that, as parents, we want what is best for our children. We want them to succeed and be happy and good. But I question the motive for that. Do we want it because of them or because of us? Because how they are, what they are, who they turn into, is a direct reflection of what we do (or don't do). I question myself every day, numerous times a day, if I'm doing the right thing by my kids. I know what I have to do to help them, but what is my motivation?

Lately, our lives are so hectic. Our schedule of activities and therapies and life has gotten so out of control that the little things that I used to enjoy are becoming strenuous and labor-laden. With the boys on break this week and us playing hookie and heading to Baltimore for a few days, I'm hoping it's just what we need to gain a fresh outlook and start reveling in the small joys that I've recently been overlooking.

Ahhh, Spring!

It's not really here, but today sure felt like it. The sun was shining, birds were singing...not really, but it paints a nicer picture! Thursday is our easy day--the boys get to hang out at the house all morning in their jammies--no therapy to go to, no therapists coming in. Then, they have school. After school yesterday we went and got ice cream. I have serious spring fever. I can't stand winter any longer!

Once we got home from school and the ice cream shop, we played in the backyard. I'm didn't think I would ever get Eric back in the house. Evan was even running around in bare feet--we are all so desperate for warmer temperatures!

Here are some photos yesterday afternoon--only the grass tells you it is still winter!

Our school district has starting coming to Eric's preschool to observe him. Today, they started testing. My poor little boy. He had TSS from 9-10:30, speech from 10:30-11 and OT from 11-11:45. Then, he had school at 12:30 where they tested him for over 2 hours--and they still aren't done! It's not typical kindergarten testing, i.e. what is this shape, what letter is this, etc., it IQ tests, etc. to determine his placement in school--mainstream, special ed or autism support--or some variation thereof. We will have to have his IEP meeting before May 15, so I will know then where they feel he should be. I'm calling on Monday to set up an appointment with the special education department so that I can go and observe both a special ed classroom and the autism classroom. I have no frame of reference as the face of special ed has changed dramatically (for the better) since I was in school. The special ed classroom will be in our home school (the school all the kids in the neighborhood go to). The autism classroom is at another elementary school in the district, a bit further away. I'm not worrying so much about it. First, I know it doesn't do any good for anybody, especially Eric. Secondly, whatever happens, happens. Everything works out in the end the way it is supposed to be. I just need to loosen my grip a bit on the reigns--sounds a lot easier than it is!

We are all--except Rob of course--getting over this annoying head cold that is going around. Evan's had it for 10 days now. Eric didn't get it too bad and I simply cannot smell anything!

Other than that, life is fairly normal. Have I mentioned I’m married to the most wonderful guy in the world? He came home tonight and gave me a card with a gift certificate for an hour long facial and hot stone massage for next weekend just because I’m a good mama. Not too bad, huh? Made my week! I simply cannot wait for next Saturday.